- Dave feels like getting some work done...and so he is sitting down until the feeling passes.
- Katie used to play sports. Then she realized you can buy trophies. Now she's good at everything.
- Dave is color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube... This could take a while...
- Katie dreams of a better world...where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned :0)
- Dave says my computer just beat me at chess...but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
- Katie is cle'a]ni.ng he'r ke]yb29oa;rd
- Dave is wondering why his daughter's diaper holds no where near the 22-37 pounds it promises.
- Katie is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
- Dave doesn't suffer from insanity... he enjoys every minute of it.
- Katie ║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95
- Dave is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
- Katie thinks that if your relationship status says, "It's complicated" that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "Single"
- Dave before you use the bathroom in someones house make sure you check they have toilet paper!!
- Dave Whoever says Paper beats Rock is an idiot. Next time I see someone say that I will throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper
- Katie "Good morning...I see the assassins have failed."
- Dave is cleaning out his medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time.
- Katie Be nice to nerds, Chances are you will be working for them.
- Dave is normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
- Katie is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf's a minute
- Dave just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.
- Katie would rather check her facebook than face her checkbook.
- Dave believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.
- Katie ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
- Dave Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with "according to the prophecy"
- Katie is Loading ████████████ 99%
- Dave.... If you smacked a kid in the face with a bottle of Johnson's No More Tears, would it create beautiful irony?
- Kate.... Is beating her current record for number of consecutive days alive.
- Dave.... Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
- Kate.... ► PlayTheMoments ▌▌ PauseTheMemories ■ StopThePain ◄◄ RewindTheHappiness.
- Dave.... Just changed the name of my iPod to "the titanic" so whenever i plug it in to my computer it says "the titanic is syncing"
- Kate.... Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
- Dave.... "Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide."
- Kate.... I Liked your Status and now 25 notifications later........I'm hating me for Liking your status!
- Dave.... Is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?
- Kate.... is coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>
- Dave.... Build a man a fire and he is warm for a day. Set him on fire, and he is warm for the rest of his life.
- Kate.... --^v--^v--^v--^v-_____^v--^v--^v-- For a second there, I was bored to death.
- Dave.... ¿ǝʍ ǝɹɐ pǝƃuǝןןɐɥɔ-ǝןƃooƃ ˙˙˙ʇxǝʇ uʍop ǝpısdn ʎq ǝɹɐ ǝןdoǝd pǝssǝɹdɯı ʍoɥ ʎuunɟ s,ʇı sʞuıɥʇ
- Kate.... Just bought a new warddrobe from focus, looked at the box and was surprised to find it said " Self Assembly "..... I've been sat here now for three fu*k*ng hours and yet it still hasnt put itself together
- Dave.... Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough.
- Kate.... I have a friend whose status says 'suicidal standing on edge of cliff'. I poked him.
- Dave.... Is proud of himself, he finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
- Kate.... ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
- Dave.... Does performing oral sex on women provide a good source of Omega3?
- Kate.... ̿̿̿ ̿' ̿'̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ this is a stick-up... give me ALL yo [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]!
- Dave.... Isn't going to take life seriously... Nobody gets out alive anyway.
- Kate.... a clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
- Dave.... Bought a new stick of deodorant today. Instructions said: "Remove cap and push up bottom" ... I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely
- Kate.... ⒽⒶⓅⓅⓨ ⓃⒺⓌ ⓎⒺⒶⓇ
- Kate.... 43% of all statistics are made up on the spot. Hell, 72% of people know that!
- Dave.... Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
- Kate.... status under construction ██████████████] 99%
- Dave.... Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.
- Kate.... Dear Pringles, Now that I am no longer a child, I can no longer fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness. Work on that.
- Dave.... believes that the problem with being punctual is that there is rarely anyone there to appreciate it.
- Kate.... I will find out why the correspondence course on “Mail Fraud” that I purchased never showed up.
- Dave.... You know your job is shit when the parking meter outside where you work makes more per hour than you do.
- Kate.... ٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶
- Dave.... Cut here —————–✄———————-
- Kate.... I hated it when old aunts came up to me after weddings and said "you are next". They stopped that when I did began to do the same to them after funerals.
- Dave.... I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness
- Kate.... Invented Al Gore
- Kate.... if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP ►► FF
- Dave.... scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today's status.
- Kate.... Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn't surprising really, since it isn't my birthday.
- Dave... ”The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.” – George Washington
- Kate.... is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself..
- Dave.... ♬ ♫ ♪ ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♪ ♫ ♬
- Kate.... is going to jail, directly to jail. She is not passing go. She is not collecting $200.
- Dave.... Note to vegetarians: My food poops on your food. Enjoy that salad!
- Kate.... Just realized the tooth fairy teaches us to sell our body parts for money!
- Dave.... Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
- Kate.... I just read last year 4,153,237 ppl got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?
- Dave.... Don't you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn't want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.
- Kate.... --^v--^v--^v--^v-_____^v--^v--^v-- For a second there, I was bored to death.
