A smart Mexican, a dumb Mexican, Santa, and the Easter bunny are in a race to the middle of a maze. Who would win?
Answer: The dumb Mexican. The other three don't exists!
Showing posts with label Hilarious Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hilarious Jokes. Show all posts
Monday, December 9, 2013
Ultimate Hilarious Jokes
'Bring smile on your friend's faces by sharing these ultimate hilarious jokes. Write you reactions too.'
Innocent boy to a girl at party: Would you like to dance?
Girl smiled and said: Yes.. for sure!
Boy: So can I take this chair?
I don't think I'll ever get the recognition i deserve for being the world's biggest pessimistic narcissist!
My back is not a voice mail. Say it on my face.
Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
A blonde goes into a library and says, "Hello. I'm here to see the doctor."
The librarian replies, "This is a library."
So the blonde lowers her voice and says, "Oh sorry!" Then whispers, "I'm here to see the doctor."
If your mom can't find it, it's gone forever.
You want everyone to be great and funny. I'm not saying I'm great, but I'm funny.
Why to keep her at home in witness of all relatives. Keep the problems outside.
Me: Can I copy your homework?
Her: Yeah but the answers are probably all wrong.
Me: I don't care, thanks!
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
Competition brings out the best in products and the worst in people.
Love at first sight. Well I fall in love with girls at every sight.
The funny thing is, I look at these magazines that make me so insecure and neurotic, but I'm in them!
We all know that one guy who makes excuses for everything and can't own up to shit.
An egotist is someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
What you eat standing up doesn't count.
Girl to girl: "Awhh, you're really pretty!" "Thank you so much, you are too!" Guy to guy: "You're handsome" "Wtf? Dude are you Gy?"
When your parents call you by your full name, you know shit's gonna happen.
Two astronauts are on the moon. One says to the other "Its nice here isn't it?".
The other replies, "Yes, have you got any crisps ?"
I'm sorry I ruined your lives, and crammed eleven cookies into the VCR.
A german soldier sticks nine jews and an italian soldier into an oven. His commandant demands to know why he put the italian ally in the oven. I was greasing the oven, he replies. -Kurt
1st thief: Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief: But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief: Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.
I am convinced that you can learn by osmosis by just sitting in his class.
Freak people out in public restrooms by saying "come in" when they knock on the stall door.
Me: "Mom... Dad.. I decided to live on my own from now on."
Them: "Ok, cool."
Me: "Your luggage is outside."
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
This course kept me out of trouble from 2-4:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
If that childhood friend is with you - Everyone is getting screwed up.
Kid: I got a 100 marks in school today.
Dad: Wow, what did you get a hundred for?
Kid: Two things -- 50 in English and 50 in Maths.
Pregnancy used to be a beautiful thing. Now it's like, "she pregnant too?" "Oh"
Self control.. please come back to me!
You must continue laughing and enjoying experience with these Hilarious Jokes and funny quotes.
Innocent boy to a girl at party: Would you like to dance?
Girl smiled and said: Yes.. for sure!
Boy: So can I take this chair?
I don't think I'll ever get the recognition i deserve for being the world's biggest pessimistic narcissist!
My back is not a voice mail. Say it on my face.
Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
A blonde goes into a library and says, "Hello. I'm here to see the doctor."
The librarian replies, "This is a library."
So the blonde lowers her voice and says, "Oh sorry!" Then whispers, "I'm here to see the doctor."
If your mom can't find it, it's gone forever.
You want everyone to be great and funny. I'm not saying I'm great, but I'm funny.
Why to keep her at home in witness of all relatives. Keep the problems outside.
Me: Can I copy your homework?
Her: Yeah but the answers are probably all wrong.
Me: I don't care, thanks!
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
Competition brings out the best in products and the worst in people.
Love at first sight. Well I fall in love with girls at every sight.
The funny thing is, I look at these magazines that make me so insecure and neurotic, but I'm in them!
We all know that one guy who makes excuses for everything and can't own up to shit.
An egotist is someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
What you eat standing up doesn't count.
Girl to girl: "Awhh, you're really pretty!" "Thank you so much, you are too!" Guy to guy: "You're handsome" "Wtf? Dude are you Gy?"
When your parents call you by your full name, you know shit's gonna happen.
Two astronauts are on the moon. One says to the other "Its nice here isn't it?".
The other replies, "Yes, have you got any crisps ?"
I'm sorry I ruined your lives, and crammed eleven cookies into the VCR.
A german soldier sticks nine jews and an italian soldier into an oven. His commandant demands to know why he put the italian ally in the oven. I was greasing the oven, he replies. -Kurt
1st thief: Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief: But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief: Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.
I am convinced that you can learn by osmosis by just sitting in his class.
Freak people out in public restrooms by saying "come in" when they knock on the stall door.
Me: "Mom... Dad.. I decided to live on my own from now on."
Them: "Ok, cool."
Me: "Your luggage is outside."
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
This course kept me out of trouble from 2-4:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
If that childhood friend is with you - Everyone is getting screwed up.
Kid: I got a 100 marks in school today.
Dad: Wow, what did you get a hundred for?
Kid: Two things -- 50 in English and 50 in Maths.
Pregnancy used to be a beautiful thing. Now it's like, "she pregnant too?" "Oh"
Self control.. please come back to me!
You must continue laughing and enjoying experience with these Hilarious Jokes and funny quotes.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Kind Eyes
Nicky: You have really kind eyes, you know that?
Andy Stitzer: Thanks. Umm... your hat has sequins.
Andy Stitzer: Thanks. Umm... your hat has sequins.
Getting up early
Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day?
Student: I get up early Miss!
Student: I get up early Miss!
Sick and Tired
I am getting sick and tired of people who make jokes about Justin Bieber...
Leave her alone !!
Leave her alone !!
Got a new girlfriend
Son: Hi dad! I got a new girlfriend.
Dad: Great son, is she hot?
Son: Hell yeah!
Girl: Hi Dad! I got a boyfriend!
Dad: *In full anger - Loading shotgun*
Dad: Great son, is she hot?
Son: Hell yeah!
Girl: Hi Dad! I got a boyfriend!
Dad: *In full anger - Loading shotgun*
And he Broke His Neck
And a guy walks into a bar. Except it was a metal bar, like a pole.
So he broke his neck!
So he broke his neck!
Brain is missing
Haha I am a virus and I am going to enter into your brain..
.
.
.
.
.
Sorry I have to leave, I can't find it.
.
.
.
.
.
Sorry I have to leave, I can't find it.
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Not Allowed
"Can i I watch the TV?", asked little Johny from his dad.
"Sure, but you're not allowed to turn it on" dad replied.
"Sure, but you're not allowed to turn it on" dad replied.
Guess the Name
Sammie's mother has 5 daughters whose name are:
Allie, Christina, Nobie and Laina.
Can you guess the name of the fifth daughter?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Lol - Sammie!!
Allie, Christina, Nobie and Laina.
Can you guess the name of the fifth daughter?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Lol - Sammie!!
Announcing wedding
I was announcing my wedding, and my friend just asked...
Is the boy you’re marrying nice?
Me: No, he’s so miserable, wife-beating, cruel, insensitive lout. It’s just the money!
Is the boy you’re marrying nice?
Me: No, he’s so miserable, wife-beating, cruel, insensitive lout. It’s just the money!
Much Help
MD: We can't give you any job. We don't need much help right now.
Applicant: That's even good. I really feel I'm just the right person for your company. You see, I won't be of much help anyway.
Applicant: That's even good. I really feel I'm just the right person for your company. You see, I won't be of much help anyway.
Buy Barbie
Why do you have to buy Barbie a friend called Ken if she is so popular?
Same happened to Paris Hilton, she didn't get her dog for free!
Same happened to Paris Hilton, she didn't get her dog for free!
Laughing
Mother: There are lots of noises coming out from your room. With Whom you are laughing with?
Her: Nobody is here. It's just my laptop.
Her: Nobody is here. It's just my laptop.
Marry with two
Q: Why it is not legal for males to marry with two females.
A: The reason behind this law is you can not get punishment twice for the same Mistake.
A: The reason behind this law is you can not get punishment twice for the same Mistake.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Link Within
