Q: What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
Q: What kind of coffee were they serving when the Titanic hit an iceberg?
A: Sanka!
Q: What do Saami reindeer herders say to reindeer who complain?
A: "Venison!"
Q: What do you call fifty penguins in the Arctic?
A: Lost! REALLY lost! (Penguins live in Antarctica.)
Q: Why aren't penguins as lucky as Arctic murres?
A: The poor old penguins can't go south for the winter.
Q: What do chefs call "Baked Alaska" in Alaska?
A: "Baked Here"
Q: Getting a job in the Arctic in the winter is great! Why?
A: When the days get short, you only have to work a 30 minute work week.
Q: Why do seals swim in salt water?
A: Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Q: Where can you find an ocean without any water?
A: On a map!
Q: What eight letters can you find in water from the Arctic Ocean?
A: H to O! (H20)
Q: Which side of an Arctic Tern has the most feathers?
A: The outside!
Q: What vegetable was forbidden on the ships of Arctic explorers?
A: Leeks!
Q: What did Amaruq say after building an igloo out of crystal clear ice?
A: "Living in a transparent igloo has its disadvantages - but you should see the murres smack it!"
Q: Why didn't the tourist in the Arctic get any sleep?
A: He plugged his electric blanket into the toaster by mistake - and kept popping out of bed all night!
Q: What happened when all the muskox wool that was collected was stolen?
A: The police combed the area.
Q: If the sun shines while it's snowing, what should you look for?
A: Snowbows.
Q: What did one Greenland Shark say to the other?
A: "Say, good lookin'... didn't I meet you last night at the feeding frenzy?"
Q: What's a sign that you have an irrational fear of icebergs?
A: You start having water-tight compartments installed in your pants.
Q: What did the seal say when it swam into a concrete wall?
A: "Dam!"
Q: What do women use to stay young looking in the Arctic?
A: Cold cream.
Q: Why was the Saami herder given an umbrella?
A: Because of the rain, dear.
Q: What do you call a reindeer with no eyes?
A: I have no eye deer.
Q: What did one Arctic murre say to the other?
A: "What? We flew 2000 miles for THIS?!"
Q: What do you get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids!
Q: What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect?
A: "Where were you on the night of September to March?"
Q: What noise wakes you up at the North Pole around March 18?
A: The crack of dawn!
Q: If you live in an igloo, what's the worst thing about global warming?
A: No privacy!
Q: What did the walrus say when it was late?
A: "I would have been here sooner, but my iceberg hit a ship."
Q: When are your eyes not eyes?
A: When the cold Arctic wind makes them water!
Q: What did the icy Arctic road say to the truck?
A: "Want to go for a spin?"
Q: What do you use to catch an Arctic hare?
A: A hare net!
Q: What do Arctic hares use to keep their fur lookin' spiffy?
A: Hare spray!
Q: What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A: A receding hare line.
Q: Why are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean?
A: They're both below C level!
Q: What are caribou calves given to wear?
A: Hoof-me-downs.
Q: If it's zero degrees outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
A: ?????
Q: What did the Arctic wolf ask in the restaurant?
A: "Are these lemmings fresh off the tundra?"
Q: What did the big furry hat say to the warm woolly scarf?
A: "You hang around while I go on ahead."
Q: What's another name for ice?
A: Skid stuff!
Q: How do you keep from getting cold feet?
A: Don't go around BRRfooted!
Q: Why is the slippery ice like music?
A: If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!
Q: What's an ig?
A: A snow house without a loo!
Q: Where do seals go to see movies?
A: The dive-in!
Q: What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A: Owlgebra.
Q: What did the ocean say to the bergy bits?
A: Nothing. It just waved. (That's an old joke from the Ice Age.)
Q: What sits on the bottom of the cold Arctic Ocean and shakes?
A: A nervous wreck.
Q: How do you know if there's a snowman in your bed?
A: You wake up wet!
Q: How do you tell the difference between a walrus and an orange?
A: Put your arms around it and squeeze it. If you don't get orange juice, it's a walrus.
Q: What's the difference between a walrus and a banana?
A: You'd better find out, because if you ever try to peel a walrus...
Showing posts with label Random Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random Jokes. Show all posts
Monday, December 9, 2013
Technology and Paper
They say that technology will replace paper. Do they ever tried to wipe that with an iPad.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
I feel like
When they Have a smoke in a restaurant.. I feel like they are peeing in a pool. So disgusting!
Red Nose
Teacher: Why is your nose red?
Jackie: I smelled a b-rose.
Teacher: But there is no "b" in rose.
Jackie: There was in this one!
Jackie: I smelled a b-rose.
Teacher: But there is no "b" in rose.
Jackie: There was in this one!
Outside of Tree
Teacher: Joe, What do you call the outside of a tree?
Student: No idea miss..
Teacher told angrily: Bark, Joe.
Joe: Bow Wow Wow Miss..
Student: No idea miss..
Teacher told angrily: Bark, Joe.
Joe: Bow Wow Wow Miss..
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Practice
Why is it that doctors and lawyers call what they do 'practice'?
It is a mathematical fact that fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class.
It is a mathematical fact that fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class.
Female without Male..
Boy: Please understand and accept that no female can live without male..
Girl: How can you say it?
Boy: See - Fe(male)-male
Wo(man)-man
S(he)-he
So never try to be alone.
Girl: How can you say it?
Boy: See - Fe(male)-male
Wo(man)-man
S(he)-he
So never try to be alone.
Long word
Q: Why is 'abbreviated" such a long word?
A: Because AB is used to describe 5 other things and ABBREV sounds like an accelerated muscle?
A: Because AB is used to describe 5 other things and ABBREV sounds like an accelerated muscle?
Divorce
What is the best definition of divorce?
A sign that 2 people can't agree what to fight about!
A sign that 2 people can't agree what to fight about!
Saying 'P'
You would be surprised to know that I know three Things about you:
First: For you, saying "P" is impossible without touching your both lips.
Second: You just tried uttering "P".
Third: You're smiling now!
First: For you, saying "P" is impossible without touching your both lips.
Second: You just tried uttering "P".
Third: You're smiling now!
Friday, December 6, 2013
Word 'Beans'
A teacher asked her students for writing sentences using the word 'beans'
Student: My father grows beans..
Another Student: My father cooks beans
Another one: We are all human beans.
Student: My father grows beans..
Another Student: My father cooks beans
Another one: We are all human beans.
Chasing Girls
Q: Why do men chase those girls, they have no intention of marrying?
A: For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
A: For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
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